A Big Distraction was a Blessing in Disguise

I had mentioned in the previous post regarding our anniversary.  June 14, 1974 was our wedding day.  This would have been a memorable year as it would have been 40 for us.  One thing which was a big blessing last week was that we had the marker for the grave on order and it was to be here by our anniversary.  At the beginning of that week I had called about it since it hadn't been placed.  I was told that it might not be ready until the following week which would have been after the anniversary date.  I mentioned that I was hoping to have it by our anniversary which was Saturday, June 14.   The marker was placed on June 12.  God gave us the desires of our heart.  We took pictures at the graveside with the new marker and new arrangement of flowers on June 14 with my daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren.  After that we took a nice walk which was very enjoyable.  I had to get home to give our dog her medication.

Now for the distraction.  Several weeks ago my dog had developed  a condition of vertigo.  The medical term is Vestibular Disease. I had taken her to the vet and she was to be on this medication for about 3 weeks.  She was on week 2 at the time and doing some better.  I had left her on our front porch and thought she would be fine there until I got home.  I thought I had made it secure for her not to get down the ramp and off the porch because she would get under our house.  When I got home she was not on the porch or anywhere around.  Somehow she had managed to get through the railings and took a 4 foot leap down to the ground.  Needless to say, I was quite worried about her.  She did not turn up for six hours and I could only imagine what had happened to her.  When she finally came out from under the house, she was fine.  I thank God for taking care of her.  When I realized that most of the afternoon was spent worrying about our dog, I thought if that had not happened I would probably have missed Mark so very much.  Of course, I did miss him but this distraction did help me to focus on something else as well.  God always knows what's best for us and He has continually been there to guide me through.    "Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow"

Looking to the Days Ahead

Not sure what's going on.  Today was a productive and good day being able to spend time with family.  Somehow memories hit several times throughout the day and the tears flowed.  I know part of the reason is because I'm remembering how much 40 years ago this week I was so looking forward to marrying Mark.  We were on our countdown days.  Today would have been only 4 days away.  We were looking forward to not having to be separated again, as each night when he dropped me off to my apartment, we would say goodnight and goodbye until tomorrow.  We saw each other every single day but always hated to part at night. I'm not sure I gave a lot of thought to that week after we were married because I was content and happily married.  I sure remember it clearly now.  We had such a wonderful marriage, and God was so good to bless me with such a wonderful loving husband who I dearly love/loved.  Not sure of God's plan or purpose for my life now, but I know just to live daily for Him and wait on Him. 

Psalm 27:14    "Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord."

The Measure of a Life

I was reading a quote the other day that said, "The measure of a life is not its duration but its donation."    Of course, that reminded me of Mark.   His life on this earth was short compared to many but during his lifetime, he lived it fully serving the Lord.  He was always concerned about people and how he could help them.   He definitely was always concerned for his family.  It did bother him when he became disabled and couldn't help the way he had in the past.  He tried his best to serve God  even when he was suffering in pain.  From my point of view and in my eyes, he lived a life well pleasing to God.  I lived with him for almost 40 years so I guess I could be a good judge.  Our 40th anniversary would have been June 14.  I'm sure in some ways this week will be a little tough with the memories, but God has given me grace over and over again and I know He'll get me through this week.

One Month

I'm still here walking the walk.  It's just been rather busy the past week.  It seems there's been a lot to keep up with lately but thankful for the strength God has given and how He has helped me through some really "missing my hubby times" which is pretty much all the time.  Last week I was anticipating his birthday, the first without him, of course, and I think it was getting me down.  But to show how God gives us the grace,  the day of his birthday was much better than the two days before.  I know a lot of people were praying for us that day.  We did miss him dearly but we made it through.  Since this is now a new day, yesterday was a month of him passing.  In some ways it doesn't seem it's been that long and others it seems like forever.  I know with all my times of feeling down that God will lift me up because I trust His Word and He is always faithful!!!!  This is a wondrous time of the year to remember what Christ did for us on the cross, how He was buried and that He arose again.  We serve a risen Saviour!  Praise God for all He has done, is doing and will continue to do for us!

Busy Day

I've been blessed to have my sister visiting with me for a few days.  It's been nice to have her here.   She had some shopping to do today so we were out and about for a little while.  We went to the grave to put flowers on it.  We also had some time to do some bird watching in the yard.  Hoping to get an Indigo Bunting again this year.  It's great to stay busy.   Still have had my moments of tears.  Guess I will for a good while yet.  When something like this happens, you replay in your mind how the events unfolded.  I always come up with how gracious God was in how it all happened.  He  knew how things would affect me and allowed everything to happen as it did so I could handle it better.  To share one thing, it would have been so hard to see Mark struggling for breath or to have passed on with his eyes open but he peacefully went in his sleep, eyes closed.  So how much better can that get for him?  He went to sleep here and woke up to see Jesus.  That's so comforting to me but I still can't help missing him very much.  So I'll lean on the Everlasting Arms of Jesus.

John 14:18

“I will not leave you comfortless; I will come to you.

Signing One Name

I guess the title makes you wonder what it means.  My hurdle today was signing a card and it's no longer Mom and Dad to our kids or Nana and Papa/Grandpa to the grandchildren or Mark and Darlene to everyone else.  When I sign now, it's just me, (Mom, Nana or Darlene).  That really hit hard.  Just the thought of leaving Mark out isn't easy. He's just such a big part of my life right now.  This is another thing I'll lean on God to help me through.  Thank you, God, for all the years I was able to sign our names on things and help me now as it will just be me.  I know God will help me through this as He has always given me strength before.

Psalms 31:24 - Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD.

Day 18

This now begins Day 18 of this journey that I wouldn't have chosen, humanly speaking,  but it is the way God has ordained for me to go at least for now.  I was happy and content being married and relying on my husband.  As God's child, I know that if He chose this way for me, it has to be the best for me.  One thing I can say.  When I've been low, God has lifted me up and when I felt I couldn't go on, He carried me through.   I have learned that I did lean a lot on my husband instead of leaning more on the Lord.  God had blessed me with a Godly man.  Mark was full of wisdom and knowledge.  I had looked to my husband for spiritual advice as well as advice of earthly things.  He always seemed to know what was best for me.   I do miss talking with him and finding his opinion of various things.  This is when I'll need to look to Christ which  I should have been doing more of, anyway.  God definitely knows our weaknesses and how frail we are.  Some words in the song,  "My Desire to be Like Jesus" just came to mind.  His Spirit fill me, His love o'er-whelm me.  Lord help me to be strong in you and look to you for all my needs.