One Month

I'm still here walking the walk.  It's just been rather busy the past week.  It seems there's been a lot to keep up with lately but thankful for the strength God has given and how He has helped me through some really "missing my hubby times" which is pretty much all the time.  Last week I was anticipating his birthday, the first without him, of course, and I think it was getting me down.  But to show how God gives us the grace,  the day of his birthday was much better than the two days before.  I know a lot of people were praying for us that day.  We did miss him dearly but we made it through.  Since this is now a new day, yesterday was a month of him passing.  In some ways it doesn't seem it's been that long and others it seems like forever.  I know with all my times of feeling down that God will lift me up because I trust His Word and He is always faithful!!!!  This is a wondrous time of the year to remember what Christ did for us on the cross, how He was buried and that He arose again.  We serve a risen Saviour!  Praise God for all He has done, is doing and will continue to do for us!

Busy Day

I've been blessed to have my sister visiting with me for a few days.  It's been nice to have her here.   She had some shopping to do today so we were out and about for a little while.  We went to the grave to put flowers on it.  We also had some time to do some bird watching in the yard.  Hoping to get an Indigo Bunting again this year.  It's great to stay busy.   Still have had my moments of tears.  Guess I will for a good while yet.  When something like this happens, you replay in your mind how the events unfolded.  I always come up with how gracious God was in how it all happened.  He  knew how things would affect me and allowed everything to happen as it did so I could handle it better.  To share one thing, it would have been so hard to see Mark struggling for breath or to have passed on with his eyes open but he peacefully went in his sleep, eyes closed.  So how much better can that get for him?  He went to sleep here and woke up to see Jesus.  That's so comforting to me but I still can't help missing him very much.  So I'll lean on the Everlasting Arms of Jesus.

John 14:18

“I will not leave you comfortless; I will come to you.

Signing One Name

I guess the title makes you wonder what it means.  My hurdle today was signing a card and it's no longer Mom and Dad to our kids or Nana and Papa/Grandpa to the grandchildren or Mark and Darlene to everyone else.  When I sign now, it's just me, (Mom, Nana or Darlene).  That really hit hard.  Just the thought of leaving Mark out isn't easy. He's just such a big part of my life right now.  This is another thing I'll lean on God to help me through.  Thank you, God, for all the years I was able to sign our names on things and help me now as it will just be me.  I know God will help me through this as He has always given me strength before.

Psalms 31:24 - Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD.

Day 18

This now begins Day 18 of this journey that I wouldn't have chosen, humanly speaking,  but it is the way God has ordained for me to go at least for now.  I was happy and content being married and relying on my husband.  As God's child, I know that if He chose this way for me, it has to be the best for me.  One thing I can say.  When I've been low, God has lifted me up and when I felt I couldn't go on, He carried me through.   I have learned that I did lean a lot on my husband instead of leaning more on the Lord.  God had blessed me with a Godly man.  Mark was full of wisdom and knowledge.  I had looked to my husband for spiritual advice as well as advice of earthly things.  He always seemed to know what was best for me.   I do miss talking with him and finding his opinion of various things.  This is when I'll need to look to Christ which  I should have been doing more of, anyway.  God definitely knows our weaknesses and how frail we are.  Some words in the song,  "My Desire to be Like Jesus" just came to mind.  His Spirit fill me, His love o'er-whelm me.  Lord help me to be strong in you and look to you for all my needs.

Struggling Day Made Better

Today started out well.  I actually had the best night sleep since Mark's passing.  I was doing okay and then I had some paperwork to fill out.  It brought back a lot of memories and I began missing Mark so much.  Fortunately, I had planned to meet my daughter and grandchildren at the park.  It did me good to get out and be with them.  It was such a beautiful day, too.  Then on the way home, of course, I start thinking again.  When I got home, it was so empty.  I just poured out my heart to the Lord and what comfort I did receive.   When we focus on Christ  and His love for us, our little struggles seem to ease.  I say little struggles because when you put them in perspective that's what they are.  However, as they're happening they seem like a mountain. 

My sister gave me a poem that I thought was special.  It follows:

Life to be Continued in Heaven

Dear friends of mine-- Do not weep;

For our dear Jesus His promises keep.

He went to prepare a mansion fair

That we, dear friends, some day will share.

Of all the beauty we've shared on earth

It's nothing compared to Heavens' Birth.



Still another thing, my dear friends,

All earthly pain has come to an end.

So as I sit at Jesus' feet

Waiting my friends in Heaven to meet.

I'll just enjoy my family here

And praise Our Saviour for the earth we've shared.



So thanks to you, dear friend of mine

Who has bridged my journey

To this beautiful time,

Life is continuing in Heaven.

by Eula Godwin

My Testimony about Mark

I felt I would post this for those who weren't at Mark's funeral.  It was hard to put down just a few words for a life well lived serving Christ.  Somehow, though, God had laid on my heart to share how faithful a life Mark lived through all the pain he had suffered the last 7 years.  We never really knew exactly what Mark had. He had been to many doctors and had lots of tests run and for all his symptoms, Lymes Disease seemed to fit what he had.  Whatever he had, he had chronic pain and sometimes it was almost unbearable.  We kept hoping and praying that he would be healed and thought it would be in this life.  Mark is now completely healed and with Jesus. I would also like to share how gracious God was to Mark in his passing.  Mark had mentioned to me a few times how nice it would be go to sleep in this life and wake up in Heaven.  That's exactly how it happened to him.  Also, he said he didn't want to die alone and it would be nice if I was beside him.  Well, he got that desire as well.  Then recently, because of having the surgery out of town, he had said that he didn't want to die out town.  Well, he died at his earthly home and went to his heavenly home.  This gave me comfort to know that he did get those desires of his heart.  Now the testimony follows:

Today as we are celebrating Mark's homegoing, it's very difficult to summarize almost 40 years in just a few minutes of time. If ever there was a giving and caring person, it was Mark. I know because I could see it daily in his life. He was a God honoring man and lived his whole life serving and praising God. The last 7 years have been difficult for him but his faith never wavered. At times he would struggle with not being able to do the things he had been able to do in the past but who wouldn't when your pain almost becomes unbearable. We never really understood why Mark had this trial on earth but we saw God's grace always carry him through. He kept his eyes focused on Jesus who he loved so much. He was a devoted family man which was pretty evident to all. He always wanted to see that my needs and even wants were met if possible. I know he loved me dearly as I do him. It is hard when you lose the one dearest on earth to you. Mark loved his children and grandchildren and always wanted the best in their lives. He so wanted all his grandchildren to know Jesus. He knew without a doubt that his children knew Jesus because their lives definitely reflect it. Mark's love to his parents and my parents was so evident as well. He loved all the family both his and mine. He had a closeness with his brothers. He loved our church family. If Mark was your friend, you had a friend indeed. Mark was so special in every way. He had a quick wit and sense of humor that was unsurpassed. We miss him so and will miss him much in the days, months and years ahead but are so thankful that he suffers no more.

Mark was always searching the scriptures to find the answers he needed. Mark was a man full of knowledge and wisdom. If you knew Mark well, you know what an inquisitive nature he had. Now all his questions have been answered. Mark would often say my salvation will be complete when I see my Saviour. He looked forward to that day and now it has come. It's hard to put in just a few words all the qualities of Mark. He was a great spiritual leader, an excellent example of faith to his children and grandchildren and all who knew him. He was the most wonderful husband to me and of course, he was my very best friend. I could not have asked God for any better and I'm so blessed that He gave me Mark for almost 40 years. I wish there could have been more time with him but that wasn't in God's plan. If Mark could be here today, he would want everyone here to have the personal relationship that he had with Jesus Christ. He never wanted to be recognized for things he did. He just wanted to live a simple life. His life's work on this side has ended and now he is enjoying all the glories of Heaven. Most importantly He is with Jesus the author and finisher of his faith. We can say of Mark that he has fought a good fight, he has finished his course, and he has kept the faith. Thank you, God, for giving us Mark and thank you for his wonderful testimony and the many lives he has touched! We thank you that his suffering has ceased and the legs that weren't mobile in this life now leap for joy! To God be the Glory!

My Journey Begins

On March 17, 2014, I began a whole new chapter in my life.  My status had changed from being married to being a widow.  I had enjoyed my lot in life to that point.  I was happily married to the most wonderful man in the world to me for almost 40 years. On June 14 we would have been married 40 years.  You just never can imagine the feeling of  emptiness until it happens to you.  He was my best half and my very best friend.  We had always been fairly private people but somehow I felt doing a blog would help me since I always shared everything with my honey.  We were inseparable which is another reason that this permanent separation in this life is so extremely hard.  All that being said, I can say without a doubt that God has been my strength and comfort.  He has now gotten me through 12 days. It has not been easy because I miss him so terribly much.  There have been times, though, that I could just sense a peace that only God could give me. I thank God for giving me my husband for this amount of time and thankful for all the great times we had.  God blessed our family with two wonderful children and then their wonderful spouses and now we have 11 precious grandchildren.  Our family totalled 17 but now we have one missing who was so important to all of us. So thus my journey of widowhood begins.