April 1-----------Today was a day of struggling for me with missing Mark. I had paperwork to do and it brought back all kinds of memories. My daughter and I had already made plans the night before to take the grandkids to the park. So that helped being out with them. Then on the way back home, I began struggling again. I began praying and God just seemed to put His arms around me and comfort me. It's so wonderful how God understands and cares for us. "Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort," II Cor. 1:3
April 2----------Thankful for a good day today. I was able to spend some time with my mother and father in love which was a nice time of fellowship. I had some more firsts, too. On the way to their house I drove through the park where Mark and I used to take walks during our dating days. Memories-memories. Thank you, God, for giving me such a wonderful husband to spend almost 40 years with. Thank you he no longer suffers in pain and thank you for getting us through another day. "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints." Psalm 116:15
April 3---------Tonight I am reflecting on God's blessings. It was so good to have lunch today with a dear friend who was my roommate at BJ a few years back. She actually introduced me to Mark. It was great catching up on things and a real blessing to see her. Also, had the first of going back to Mark's work and seeing friends/family there. Of course, didn't make it out of there without a kleenex or two. So thankful for understanding friends and family and for the people God puts in our lives each day to encourage us along.
April 6--------Thankful for a full day with enjoying church services and fellowship with church family and friends. Just haven't been able to get through all of the church services without some tears shed. It's usually a song that will trigger it. Then the memories come and well, then the tears. Tomorrow will be 3 weeks. It's so hard to believe. In some ways it just doesn't seem that long and in others it seems like forever. Regardless, God has been with me each step of the way. Even in my weak moments, His love and grace have carried me through. Thank you, dear Lord, for in my weakness you give me that extra strength I need and in my sadness your love brings me joy.
April 9--------- Today I had a second and it wasn't much better than my first. My sister had been visiting with me for a few days. So good to have her with me. I took her back home today. The trip down was okay because she was with me, but the trip back home was quite lonely and then I missed my sweet hubby so much. Another opportunity to turn my focus to Jesus and rest in Him. He did gave me strength and peace for yet another step along the way. "I need thee every hour, most gracious Lord; no tender voice like thine can peace afford. Refrain:I need thee, O I need thee; every hour I need thee; O bless me now, my Savior, I come to thee."
April 12--------- For some reason the past few days have been extremely hard and I have missed Mark something fierce. There are going to be a lot of "firsts" coming up and I don't know if that's part of it. I can say without a doubt that God has not let me down and continues to bless even though my mind gets weak. He has been so faithful and in Him I have strength. Praise God for His faithfulness everyday! "They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness." Lam. 3:23
April 13--------- Thank you all for your prayers today. God did give us a wonderful day to remember my sweet husband's 60th birthday. I was thinking how thankful I am that Mark was born, so thankful for the years God blessed me with being his wife and how thankful he's now in glory with our Saviour and out of pain and suffering. As Jessica, our daughter, put it- he's having the best birthday ever!!!!! "Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ;" Titus 2:13
April 15---------Please pray for a sweet friend of mine, Sandy Dye, who lost her husband this past Saturday. Definitely know what she's going through right now. Her husband knew Jesus, too, so that will be her hope and comfort. The visitation is tomorrow and the funeral is on Thursday. Prayers for her would be appreciated. I can with all confidence say that God is there for her as He's been for me. "He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust." Psalms 91:1-2
April 17---------- Today is a month since my sweetheart has been gone. I can't say it's any easier or that I miss him any less probably I miss him more but I can say that God's wondrous and marvelous grace grows sweeter and He gives me more as I need it.
"He giveth more grace as our burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength as our labors increase;
To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials He multiplies peace.
When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father’s full giving is only begun.
Fear not that thy need shall exceed His provision,
Our God ever yearns His resources to share;
Lean hard on the arm everlasting, availing;
The Father both thee and thy load will upbear.
His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
HE GIVETH, AND GIVETH, AND GIVETH AGAIN." Annie Flint wrote that beautiful song and what a message it delivers. Yes, my Father does give me grace again and again!
April 22----------One of those really "missing him" days today!!! Those who experienced losing a loved one know exactly what I mean. I've been visiting my sister and brother-in-law near to where Mark and I have some land and a camper trailer which we stayed at fairly regularly so we could help out my parents. They are now in an assisted living. Anyway, just going past the trailer really overwhelmed me with too many memories. Also, going to my parent's empty house that kind of did me in, too. Just not a really good day. I need that extra measure of grace at this time which I know God will supply. When I get my focus looking at earthly things instead of heavenly, this happens. Help me, dear Jesus, to stay focused on what you did for us at Calvary and your triumphant Resurrection. Thank you that I can look to you in my weakest moments and find comfort and strength!
April 26---------- So thankful for such a beautiful day that God gave us and for His continued grace in my life! "By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God." Rom. 5:2
April 30----------Darlene Lawrence was feeling like I wish he was here as I was taking a walk down memory lane but thankful his journey in this life of pain has ended and he's with Jesus now. Having one of those lonely moments. "Lord, help me look for you and your purposes in the lonely moments." with Mark Lawrence.
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