Diary Continued- Month of April 2014 from Facebook Posts

April 1-----------Today was a day of struggling for me with missing Mark. I had paperwork to do and it brought back all kinds of memories. My daughter and I had already made plans the night before to take the grandkids to the park. So that helped being out with them. Then on the way back home, I began struggling again. I began praying and God just seemed to put His arms around me and comfort me. It's so wonderful how God understands and cares for us. "Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort," II Cor. 1:3

 April 2----------Thankful for a good day today. I was able to spend some time with my mother and father in love which was a nice time of fellowship. I had some more firsts, too. On the way to their house I drove through the park where Mark and I used to take walks during our dating days. Memories-memories. Thank you, God, for giving me such a wonderful husband to spend almost 40 years with. Thank you he no longer suffers in pain and thank you for getting us through another day. "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints." Psalm 116:15

 April 3---------Tonight I am reflecting on God's blessings. It was so good to have lunch today with a dear friend who was my roommate at BJ a few years back. She actually introduced me to Mark. It was great catching up on things and a real blessing to see her. Also, had the first of going back to Mark's work and seeing friends/family there. Of course, didn't make it out of there without a kleenex or two. So thankful for understanding friends and family and for the people God puts in our lives each day to encourage us along.

 April 6--------Thankful for a full day with enjoying church services and fellowship with church family and friends. Just haven't been able to get through all of the church services without some tears shed. It's usually a song that will trigger it. Then the memories come and well, then the tears. Tomorrow will be 3 weeks. It's so hard to believe. In some ways it just doesn't seem that long and in others it seems like forever. Regardless, God has been with me each step of the way. Even in my weak moments, His love and grace have carried me through. Thank you, dear Lord, for in my weakness you give me that extra strength I need and in my sadness your love brings me joy.

April 9--------- Today I had a second and it wasn't much better than my first. My sister had been visiting with me for a few days. So good to have her with me. I took her back home today. The trip down was okay because she was with me, but the trip back home was quite lonely and then I missed my sweet hubby so much. Another opportunity to turn my focus to Jesus and rest in Him. He did gave me strength and peace for yet another step along the way. "I need thee every hour, most gracious Lord; no tender voice like thine can peace afford. Refrain:I need thee, O I need thee; every hour I need thee; O bless me now, my Savior, I come to thee."

April 12--------- For some reason the past few days have been extremely hard and I have missed Mark something fierce. There are going to be a lot of "firsts" coming up and I don't know if that's part of it. I can say without a doubt that God has not let me down and continues to bless even though my mind gets weak. He has been so faithful and in Him I have strength. Praise God for His faithfulness everyday! "They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness." Lam. 3:23


April 13--------- Thank you all for your prayers today. God did give us a wonderful day to remember my sweet husband's 60th birthday. I was thinking how thankful I am that Mark was born, so thankful for the years God blessed me with being his wife and how thankful he's now in glory with our Saviour and out of pain and suffering. As Jessica, our daughter, put it- he's having the best birthday ever!!!!! "Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ;" Titus 2:13

 April 15---------Please pray for a sweet friend of mine, Sandy Dye, who lost her husband this past Saturday. Definitely know what she's going through right now. Her husband knew Jesus, too, so that will be her hope and comfort. The visitation is tomorrow and the funeral is on Thursday. Prayers for her would be appreciated. I can with all confidence say that God is there for her as He's been for me. "He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust." Psalms 91:1-2

April 17---------- Today is a month since my sweetheart has been gone. I can't say it's any easier or that I miss him any less probably I miss him more but I can say that God's wondrous and marvelous grace grows sweeter and He gives me more as I need it. 
"He giveth more grace as our burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength as our labors increase;
To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials He multiplies peace.
When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father’s full giving is only begun.
Fear not that thy need shall exceed His provision,
Our God ever yearns His resources to share;
Lean hard on the arm everlasting, availing;
The Father both thee and thy load will upbear.
His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
HE GIVETH, AND GIVETH, AND GIVETH AGAIN." Annie Flint wrote that beautiful song and what a message it delivers. Yes, my Father does give me grace again and again!

April 22----------One of those really "missing him" days today!!! Those who experienced losing a loved one know exactly what I mean. I've been visiting my sister and brother-in-law near to where Mark and I have some land and a camper trailer which we stayed at fairly regularly so we could help out my parents. They are now in an assisted living. Anyway, just going past the trailer really overwhelmed me with too many memories. Also, going to my parent's empty house that kind of did me in, too. Just not a really good day. I need that extra measure of grace at this time which I know God will supply. When I get my focus looking at earthly things instead of heavenly, this happens. Help me, dear Jesus, to stay focused on what you did for us at Calvary and your triumphant Resurrection. Thank you that I can look to you in my weakest moments and find comfort and strength!

April 26---------- So thankful for such a beautiful day that God gave us and for His continued grace in my life! "By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God." Rom. 5:2

April 30----------Darlene Lawrence  was feeling like I wish he was here as I was taking a walk down memory lane but thankful his journey in this life of pain has ended and he's with Jesus now. Having one of those lonely moments. "Lord, help me look for you and your purposes in the lonely moments." with Mark Lawrence.

Diary for Me-March Posts from Facebook

Sort of as a diary for me, I'm going to put some posts from Facebook on my blog starting back in March.  This post will only have March 2014.

March 17------With sadness I'm writing this post but also with gladness of heart that the suffering of my one and only love is with his Saviour. Mark left this world in a very peaceful sleep. Yesterday we were on the mountaintop thinking Mark had a great and possibly full recovery. He has now totally recovered because now his body is perfect and he is with the Lord. Thank you all for your prayers and please continue to pray for us in the days ahead because I will definitely miss my love and best friend. Mark was so special and I couldn't have asked for a better life long partner. In June we would have been married 40 years. I thank God for him and thank God that he is with the Lord and suffers no more. As we said before, to God be the Glory. We're thankful for the 39+ years that He gave me Mark who blessed my life more than I could ever say!

March 18------- "...The Lord is my Rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer." II Sam. 22:2

March 19-----Just wanted to thank each one of you who have prayed and given words of encouragement. I'm so overwhelmed with all the outpouring of love shown to me and the family. I have a blessing I would like to share that God sent my way. A friend stopped by that I have only known for a few years and we were talking about my grandchildren. Nothing unusual for a grandma, right?! Anyhow, I had mentioned about how we didn't know if we were even going to have any grandchildren at all because both my daughter-in-love and daughter had several miscarriages. Then the Lord blessed us with these 11 precious ones. I then remarked that I was so glad that Mark had been able to see the last one born before he died. Then she commented, and "Now he's seen the others in Heaven." Wow! That hit me as such a big blessing! I know it might not seem huge to some but God used those words to encourage my heart when I needed it. The next few days are going to be rough on me and the family with the visitation and the funeral. We so appreciate your prayers for us. I know we have an awesome God and He's going to see us through. I will post the obituary from Howze as soon as they make it available.


Visitation for Mark - March 20---6:00-8:00 pm @ Howze Mortuary
 
March 20------This song came to mind this morning.

When comes to the weary a blessèd release,
When upward we pass to His kingdom of peace,
When free from the woes that on earth we must bear,
We’ll say “good night” here, but “good morning” up there.

Refrain

Good morning up there where Christ is the Light,
Good morning up there where cometh no night;
When we step from this earth to God’s Heaven so fair,
We’ll say “good night” here but “good morning” up there.

When fadeth the day and dark shadows draw nigh,
With Christ close at hand, it is not death to die;
He’ll wipe every tear, roll away every care;
We’ll say “good night” here, but “good morning” up there.

Refrain

When home lights we see shining brightly above,
Where we shall be soon, through His wonderful love,
We’ll praise Him Who called us His Heaven to share,
We’ll say “good night” here, but “good morning” up there.

Refrain

by Lizzie DeArmond

Mark's Homegoing Memorial - March 21 @ 2:00pm at Bible Baptist Church

March 21------- Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.-Hebrews 12:2- This verse blessed my heart today.

A good friend shared this with me. A portion of the song "Finally Home"
"But just think of stepping on shore and finding it Heaven! of touching a hand and finding it God's! of breathing new air and finding it celestial!
of waking up in glory and finding it home!" ---(That's what Mark did on Monday morning.)

Thanks, Dawn, for sharing that with me. It meant so much!

March 22-------I was so thankful for the wonderful service for him, too, and that Christ was glorified. I just had to share your sweet post.--Comment to my daughter regarding her post on FB.

I'm thankful for the wonderful memorial service for Dad. Above all, Christ was honored and glorified and that's exactly what Dad would have wanted because he wanted to glorify Christ in his life. I'm thankful for the godly example he was in my life and in the lives of all those he knew. Today was not easy and the weeks, months, and years ahead will be hard without him here on this earth, but I am so happy that he is with his Savior and that I will see him again one day. Even through all the tears, God has given me indescribable peace and I praise Him for it!

March 23------- The following is a verse from a song my grandmother had written many years ago and of course, I was thinking of Mark.

"This is not death I'm facing, but it's life forevermore.
This is not the end I'm nearing, but it's entering Heaven's door.
For the way ahead is brighter than it's ever been before.
For it's glory, yes, it's glory over on the eternal shore!

March 24--------Hope you all don't get tired of me posting things. I used to not do this too often but now it helps some. Here's another song my grandmother wrote. Mark never got to meet her in this life but I'm sure he knows her now.

"I want to see Jesus and look on His face,
and tell Him that I love Him by His infinite grace
And go to that land not made by man.
I want to see Jesus, don't you?
Chorus- I want to see Jesus, I want to see Him. I want to see Jesus. Don't You?" 

I'm singing the song in my head as I write it. My grandmother had sung the song to my aunt and she composed the music.

 March 25--------"God looked around the garden and found an empty space. He looked down upon the earth, and saw your tired face. He put His arms around you and lifted you to rest. God’s garden must be beautiful for He only takes the best. He knew that you were weary, And He knew you were in pain. He knew that you would never be well on earth again. He saw the roads were getting rough, And the hills were hard to climb. So He closed your weary eyelids, and whispered peace be thine. It broke our hearts to lose you, But you did not go alone…For part of us went with you the day God called you home" author unknown

 "Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost." Romans 15:13

Thank you, God, for seeing us through another day and giving us peace all along the way.

 March 26------This was an eventful day. As all who have lost ones so dear to you, there are the firsts like the first time you do something without that special one you love. Well, Mark and I have taken many trips down to visit and take care of my parents who live 2 hours away. Since my mom had a stroke 5+ years ago there were even more frequent trips, and Mark made every single trip with me. Yesterday with God's help, I made the trip by myself. My sweet daughter offered to go with me but I felt this was one I really needed to do myself. God carried me through. I'm so thankful for the wonderful children God has given us and their spouses and the grandchildren who have been so caring and helpful to me. My son and his sweet family stayed an extra day just to get me through the first week. Even though Mark is no longer with me, I am blessed with his legacy! Also, I'm blessed with all the prayers and encouragement from family and friends. I saw a quote that I fully agree with. "Lord, I miss my husband terribly but choose to thank you for his life."

March 27-------- Day 10 since the passing of my sweet Mark. Today I decided to take a trip to Walmart. Here we go again. Mark usually always went with me and waited in the van while I shopped. All through the store I had a big lump in my throat seeing things he liked and knew if I were to run into anybody I knew that I would probably start crying. I didn't meet up with anybody. As soon as I got to the van and of course, no Mark, well that's when the tears began. You all know that I'm not crying for him because he's having a wonderful time with Jesus but I'm just missing him so badly. I was feeling pretty low and to see how God comforts us, he sent my next door neighbor/friends by and they brought just the encouraging words that I needed. I guess it should never amaze us how God works and how He never leaves us comfortless! A good quote for me to remember--"Lord, when I'm dwelling on my losses, bring me back to counting blessings."

March 28------------ Today God comforted my heart in a different way. Tonight I was reflecting over things that have happened which is nothing unusual. I remember the day I took Mark's wheelchair out of the van and thought well that would be the last time I would do that. It made me sad because I no longer had him with me but how wonderful that he won't ever need a wheelchair again. I also began to think about how we often thought that God would heal Mark in this life and what a glorious testimony that would be especially when he had suffered for 7 years. Then God seemed to show me that Mark's life and his faithfulness through those 7 years of suffering was a glorious testimony in itself. Mark was always such a shining example of someone who in the midst of adversity kept his eyes focused on Christ and he remained faithful to the end. Not to say he didn't have some discouragements along the way but he always trusted that God knew what was best for him. Reflecting on these things gave me great peace and comfort. God always knows what we need and when we need it. Thank you, Lord, for bringing these things to mind and giving me this peace and comfort.

March 29---------Had the blessing of keeping 5 of our grandchildren today. It just seemed so different because this was the first time I've kept them since Mark's passing. He always had so much fun with them. This was one of those missing him badly times when I thought how he always loved having them over. I enjoyed my day with the kids anyway and realize that this is how it will be from now on. God has given me grace for everything I have faced so far and I know He will continue to do so. BTW, I've started a blog for anyone who might be interested. It's the following: //thiswidowswalk.blogspot.com/ 
Thank you, God, for your amazing grace that we have no matter what we face.

March 31------- Today it will be 2 weeks ago that I lost my hubby. Yesterday, after the morning church service, I visited his grave site. That's just one of those human things you do to feel better even though you know they aren't there. I'm not sure if it did make me feel much better. I did get a lot of encouragement from the church services and from our church family/friends. You never know what God will use to give you what you need in your life. He is always faithful and I continue to look to Him. The song "Lord, I Need You" comes to mind. Thank you, God, for giving us the things we need to encourage us daily.