One Month

I'm still here walking the walk.  It's just been rather busy the past week.  It seems there's been a lot to keep up with lately but thankful for the strength God has given and how He has helped me through some really "missing my hubby times" which is pretty much all the time.  Last week I was anticipating his birthday, the first without him, of course, and I think it was getting me down.  But to show how God gives us the grace,  the day of his birthday was much better than the two days before.  I know a lot of people were praying for us that day.  We did miss him dearly but we made it through.  Since this is now a new day, yesterday was a month of him passing.  In some ways it doesn't seem it's been that long and others it seems like forever.  I know with all my times of feeling down that God will lift me up because I trust His Word and He is always faithful!!!!  This is a wondrous time of the year to remember what Christ did for us on the cross, how He was buried and that He arose again.  We serve a risen Saviour!  Praise God for all He has done, is doing and will continue to do for us!

Busy Day

I've been blessed to have my sister visiting with me for a few days.  It's been nice to have her here.   She had some shopping to do today so we were out and about for a little while.  We went to the grave to put flowers on it.  We also had some time to do some bird watching in the yard.  Hoping to get an Indigo Bunting again this year.  It's great to stay busy.   Still have had my moments of tears.  Guess I will for a good while yet.  When something like this happens, you replay in your mind how the events unfolded.  I always come up with how gracious God was in how it all happened.  He  knew how things would affect me and allowed everything to happen as it did so I could handle it better.  To share one thing, it would have been so hard to see Mark struggling for breath or to have passed on with his eyes open but he peacefully went in his sleep, eyes closed.  So how much better can that get for him?  He went to sleep here and woke up to see Jesus.  That's so comforting to me but I still can't help missing him very much.  So I'll lean on the Everlasting Arms of Jesus.

John 14:18

“I will not leave you comfortless; I will come to you.

Signing One Name

I guess the title makes you wonder what it means.  My hurdle today was signing a card and it's no longer Mom and Dad to our kids or Nana and Papa/Grandpa to the grandchildren or Mark and Darlene to everyone else.  When I sign now, it's just me, (Mom, Nana or Darlene).  That really hit hard.  Just the thought of leaving Mark out isn't easy. He's just such a big part of my life right now.  This is another thing I'll lean on God to help me through.  Thank you, God, for all the years I was able to sign our names on things and help me now as it will just be me.  I know God will help me through this as He has always given me strength before.

Psalms 31:24 - Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD.

Day 18

This now begins Day 18 of this journey that I wouldn't have chosen, humanly speaking,  but it is the way God has ordained for me to go at least for now.  I was happy and content being married and relying on my husband.  As God's child, I know that if He chose this way for me, it has to be the best for me.  One thing I can say.  When I've been low, God has lifted me up and when I felt I couldn't go on, He carried me through.   I have learned that I did lean a lot on my husband instead of leaning more on the Lord.  God had blessed me with a Godly man.  Mark was full of wisdom and knowledge.  I had looked to my husband for spiritual advice as well as advice of earthly things.  He always seemed to know what was best for me.   I do miss talking with him and finding his opinion of various things.  This is when I'll need to look to Christ which  I should have been doing more of, anyway.  God definitely knows our weaknesses and how frail we are.  Some words in the song,  "My Desire to be Like Jesus" just came to mind.  His Spirit fill me, His love o'er-whelm me.  Lord help me to be strong in you and look to you for all my needs.

Struggling Day Made Better

Today started out well.  I actually had the best night sleep since Mark's passing.  I was doing okay and then I had some paperwork to fill out.  It brought back a lot of memories and I began missing Mark so much.  Fortunately, I had planned to meet my daughter and grandchildren at the park.  It did me good to get out and be with them.  It was such a beautiful day, too.  Then on the way home, of course, I start thinking again.  When I got home, it was so empty.  I just poured out my heart to the Lord and what comfort I did receive.   When we focus on Christ  and His love for us, our little struggles seem to ease.  I say little struggles because when you put them in perspective that's what they are.  However, as they're happening they seem like a mountain. 

My sister gave me a poem that I thought was special.  It follows:

Life to be Continued in Heaven

Dear friends of mine-- Do not weep;

For our dear Jesus His promises keep.

He went to prepare a mansion fair

That we, dear friends, some day will share.

Of all the beauty we've shared on earth

It's nothing compared to Heavens' Birth.



Still another thing, my dear friends,

All earthly pain has come to an end.

So as I sit at Jesus' feet

Waiting my friends in Heaven to meet.

I'll just enjoy my family here

And praise Our Saviour for the earth we've shared.



So thanks to you, dear friend of mine

Who has bridged my journey

To this beautiful time,

Life is continuing in Heaven.

by Eula Godwin